HEATED // Tuesday ~ January 24, 2012 @ 07:23 PM

What a hot day it was! A perfect temperature to boil one's blood pressure to the fullest. The heat really got to me. Humidity had me irritated all day. It was supposed to be a great day, but sometimes, things just don't really go the way we planned them to.

Last week, I've already been asking my boyfriend to meet up with me because ever since he started working again, I rarely got to see him. He got the day off today, so we planned to see each other. But thanks to mishaps, our rendezvous got messed up!

I prepared early because I was excited to show my fly outfit see my crush classmates. I even ran to catch the bus that leaves at 7:15AM. Thank heavens I reached it. The only things is, all the morning classes got cancelled to give way to foundation week festivities. Another problem was, when I received the news, I already paid for the trip. And to make matters worse, I got different facts from people I've asked. My classes last up to 12PM only and the first news was that this is the end time of the parade - making my trip to school, useless. Another idea that was brought up is that we resume classes at 10:30AM (start of Rizal period) so I was still tempted to go to school...

This was already freaking me out and my boyfriend texting me to just forget about school and head straight to his house made me so angry that I went ahead with the one-hour and forty-five minutes trip. I don't even know why his suggestion pissed me off. Maybe because I thought he was selfish and just wanted to have his way with me that he didn't think about what I'd miss if I don't get to school today. He's so irresponsible, I'm having second thoughts about staying with him for the rest of my life.

I told you it was a sunny day. The weather might've just gotten me overthinking again.

I wanted to see which of the news was true, so I still went to school. I'm glad I did, because I got closer to my classmate in Trigo. To connect with someone younger makes you feel young and, at the same time, act more responsible because they might be looking up to you. Another great thing was that, for the first time, I was able to watch a college debate. It reminded me so much of my bestfriend (who even gets sent out of the country just to debate - yeah he's that amazing) that I missed him again. Le sigh.

Anyway, after the debate, I still visited my boyfriend in his home. It was okay at the start. We had late lunch together and watched the first part of the film Red. We had fun tickling each other. But when we're about to have our siesta - I asked him if we could break up for just a month (just to sound cute because I wanted to hear him say no) and he got angry and turned his back on me. Yeah it was my fault - and like what I've said, sometimes, things just don't really go the way we planned them to. I was pissed off that I didn't get what I wanted that I told him he looks exactly like my bestfriend whenever he gets mad. At the mention of the comparison, I heard him snore. He didn't want to talk anymore. End of discussion. We slept turned away from each other and after an hour or so, I told him I have to go. I left without kissing him. End of relationship? I don't know. I'm like the unpredictable weather. Now guess what: It suddenly got cold tonight.


TTHS // Saturday ~ January 21, 2012 @ 06:57 PM

I love my TTHS schedule for a few reasons. One is that I get to go home an hour and a half earlier; Two, my favorite subject is one of the only two classes I have for the said days and; Three, there are bunch of nicer people in this schedule.

I woke up at 4AM today to prepare for today's worship service. I'm a choir member so I've to be extra early. My youngest brother and I got there at 5:30AM (thanks to the brother who comes after me - he drove us there), just in time for our vocalization. The worship ended a bit later than what I've expected, so my boyfriend and I had to rush to the ends of the city in his motorcycle, just to drop me in a place where riding a bus wouldn't be a hassle. If he dropped me in the terminal, it would take 2 hours for me to arrive at my destination and I didn't have that luxury for it was already 8:15AM (my classes start at 9AM). Egad, imagine travelling from the epitome of traffic, Las Piñas to Intramuros just by bus - lucky it was a Saturday morning, I got to school in an hour.

I've already informed my classmates that I'll be late for our Trigonometry class. I was worried for it was uncertain whether we'd have our first quiz today or not. Fortunately, the lovely professor was absent once again. I was already inside the classroom at 9:30AM. All I did was mingle with the usual group I hang out with. They invited me to have brunch with them and I would've loved to join them, but I haven't studied enough for the first quiz in my next class, so I declined the offer and bade them good bye.

I have classmates who are my age in Rizal so it was easier to socialize. I am seated next to my crush in this class as well - the one I told you about in the previous entry. Our professor is a bit stern. Something about him strikes fear in my classmates. He reminds me of my favorite teacher in high school. His method of teaching is unlike any other. I am fond of this teacher. It's not just our comprehension he focuses on to improve, but our values as well. He's strict yes, but you can always reason out to him. I was 30 minutes early for the subject and there were still people in our assigned classroom that I had to scout for a place where a girl in a short dress could sit nicely. I situated myself on the drawing boards a few steps from the classroom. When 2 of my friends found me, a group review was formed in an instant. The test was composed of 2 parts (Identification & Essay) and it was really easy, but I'm sure I didn't perfect it. I felt quite awesome today because my crush relied on me for some answers. I know I shouldn't have helped him but he was so adorable I just couldn't help it. Ugh. And since I helped him, he finished earlier and was allowed to leave class early. It made me sad that we weren't able to communicate longer. He starts the talk now, by the way. I used to pull out everything from him before we get a conversation going. He did say that among all his classmates, I am the closest to him. Wai! Somebody shoot me down.


MWF // Friday ~ January 20, 2012 @ 10:31 PM

I really don't like my MWF schedule. Mainly because one, my English subject is an "expect the unexpected" kind of class and two, my Filipino subject has a predated style of teaching. For the first time in my life though, I enjoyed a Math class. Maybe it's because we aren't being pressured in that class. The teacher is often absent, after all.

We had a sub today. She's a pretty professor and she encouraged students to participate one by one, unlike my other prof - not that I have any problems with that. I kind of missed our professor because this sub referred to me as "the girl in yellow shirt" instead of the usual "Ms. Viaje" that has a tone I've taken a liking to. For some odd reason, my motherly professor likes mentioning my name whenever she wants to say something about another Math class she proctors, which I am also in. The same professor praised me one day too, telling me I was extra pretty that particular morning. I like the way she teaches. I fancy how organized she is - from the way she buns her hair all the time, and the idea that she has a format for everything. She's not your typical teacher. More than the skills we're supposed to enhance with our Math classes, she's focused on instilling us values. And this is why I adore my Algebra class.

English follows after. My professor here always seems to be in a sour mood. She smiles from time to time, but there's something about her that makes her unapproachable. She told us we need not study in this class and that all we have to do is expect the unexpected. She will help us improve the four basic skills that make you competent in English. I have no problems with the activities regarding writing, reading and listening - it's the speaking one I'm mostly afraid of. Imagine conducting an extemporaneous speech or debating. Goodness gracious, I'm not really fond of those things... and now I'm wondering why I signed up for this "Picture-Story" contest she asked me to enter. We had our reading and listening test today, and as I submitted my paper, she told me she chose me as the representative of my section in the upcoming contest. I was reluctant at first but she droned on with the incentives and I was bought in an instant.

Last but not the least is my Filipino class. It's quite boring because the professor just tasked us to report by groups in class. It feels so much like high school that I'm beginning to take it for granted. Especially when your classmates don't have the knack to teach you their assigned lesson. The only thing I enjoy is our facebook group that is handled by a promising president, whom I am actually close to. It makes "getting-to-know-each-other" a whole lot easier. My professor was absent awhile ago, and my English teacher had to take over so we'd be able to take the first quiz I racked my brains on. It turned out pretty easy for everyone. I am quite satisfied with my answers. Though I know I didn't perfect it, I'm absolutely sure of hitting a high score.

I would hate my Monday more if my Physical Education class wasn't abolished... I'm glad it was. I also befriended three girls there before it got dissolved. Yay, socializing!!!


ANONYMOUSLY // Tuesday ~ January 17, 2012 @ 11:25 PM

In case you didn't know, I'm into guys who are younger than I am. I prefer them in glasses. I also fancy nerdiness. When a guy shies away from me, the more I get attracted to him. Like most girls, I fall for those used-to-be assholes who gradually turned into gentlemen thanks to my good influence.

And that is why I'm crushing on my seatmate in a certain class who is 5 years younger than I am. It didn't help that he thought of girls like wine. He said, the older they get, the better they become. This is crazy. And creepy.

I couldn't focus on my favorite subject this quarter because of him. He's a very healthy boy and the topics we divulge make our nearby classmates cringe. We tackle each in an adult way though. And that's making me more drawn. How can someone his age talk more mature than the guys my age?


SCHOOLGIRL // Friday ~ January 13, 2012 @ 04:46 PM

My classes started on 2nd of January because everything happens in a jiffy at my school, Mapua Institute of Technology. My batch is in its third term, but this is actually my first. I had a long rest due to financial problems but most likely, because of my laziness to study. I'm glad I wasn't culture-shocked in the new environment of college life.

I go to school from Monday to Saturday. I enrolled 6 subjects (Algebra, Trigonometry, English, Filipino, Rizal, Physical Education) this term, totalling 15 units. Yes, I'm fully-loaded, and they are all minor but I don't mind - I had my rest for 3 years and I'm craving for some education now. And hey, at least I'd be more focused on the major ones next quarter.

Anyway, it's Friday the 13th. I hope everyone's alright. Haha. Not that I believe in this superstition, but it's worth being extra cautious. So far, my fortune is pretty balanced today.

First off, I was expecting a perfect score in my Algebra seatwork on sets, but I carelessly made one mistake. Next, I failed my first English written test by one point. Last but not the least, I finally got to talk to my groupmates in my Filipino subject. I'm the leader so I ought to be more responsible... and quite a dictator. Our activity went fine - as well as the distribution of workload for our upcoming class report. They were responsive and cooperative. I guess this totally made my day.


FUNK // Saturday ~ December 31, 2011 @ 02:05 PM

I blogged about the fun parts of my December this year, but I haven't the heart to talk about the bad ones... not until I got stuck in a certain government office (SSS) last Thursday and thought of making an entry focusing on what's making me gloomy.

I'm not really satisfied with the way I look, the way I act and the way things are in my life. I wanted to be better but I'm really scared of finding about my behavior that I irk people with. I have a lot of principles and most of them are contradicting that they confuse me sometimes. I always think highly of myself. I give in to impulses and let go of words I don't even mean. I make mistakes I ought to apologize for, but find myself trying to reason out instead. I preach things I don't even practice. I'm a hypocrite. A liar. And it sucks big time pretending to be happy. I don't even know why I'm doing it. I think it's because I really don't know what I want. Then again, maybe it's not that I don't. It's that I'm afraid to fight for what I want.

I have finally let go of someone I might have fallen deeply in love with. If you have read a specific entry a few days back, you might have an idea who I'm referring to. All this denying of being in love with my best friend has come to a halt. I'm finally revealing how I truly feel about him. But alas, I've decided not to pursue this passion.

At first, I wasn't sure if it was love or just this odd feeling of being emotionally attached that made me stay for oh-so-long. I have always been in the friend zone - and no matter how special I am to him, I will always be just a good friend. But when he came home to the Philippines and started to date me, we began acting like lovers. That droned on for so long, I became unhappy with my current boyfriend. What am I? Oh say it. I'm an unfaithful bitch.

It was fun doing something wrong. I admit it. My conscience might not have stopped me from doing it - but then it stopped me from fully enjoying it. Especially when he told me he can't give me what I want... that we can never be formally labeled as "in a relationship". He never told me why, and I never asked but maybe it was to not cause any more pain. After all, we both have an idea what the reasons are, but I'd rather not discuss them here.

I expected a lot from my best friend since it really is great knowing your efforts would have come to bear fruit. I was just a good friend for four years and then I just suddenly became a lover - I might finally win the girlfriend title. But I didn't. And I thought, hey, I don't deserve this. Why should I force myself in his life? If I'm not good enough for him, I'm still the best for someone else. And with that, I bade him goodbye. No bitterness. I'll still have him in my life. After all, it was more fun being a friend - than a fake girlfriend. I know that just because a person can't love you the way you wanted to be loved, doesn't mean they don't love you. I feel that he loves and treasures me. But I also feel that it isn't enough. I appreciate his efforts to make me stay, but I just have to fly away because there is no assurance in this relationshit.

I still loved my boyfriend though I was in love with my best friend. I didn't know it was possible to keep on loving someone even though you're no longer happy with him or her. I need my boyfriend, but I wanted my best friend; heck, I'd love to have them both in my life. But I know I can't... and in the end, I chose my boyfriend over my best friend. He has actually become my best friend the moment he accepted me back in his life. I know we can meet halfway if we aim to feel the magic once more. I am so moved to have done a big change in my rotten love life.

Breaking a habit is quite difficult, but is doable. Sometimes, people are to fall in love, but aren't meant to be together. What's important is you get to learn something from your experiences. And when you do, you bring it to life and live it. I'm human and I'm not perfect. I make mistakes - and learn from them.


CELEBRATIONS // Sunday ~ December 25, 2011 @ 12:09 PM

Forgive me for not updating the past two weeks. This month is the busiest but the most fun, as usual. I'm trying to get at least 8 hours of sleep everyday too, so even if I have the time to blog, I just hit the bed for my forty winks.

My nerds and I went out to watch The Adventures of Tintin (10) at Glorietta. It was fun to unwind with these folks. First, because they boost my confidence and see the beauty in me and second - because they're oh-so-fun and there's no room for bad vibes whenever I'm with them. My boyfriend came along this time to watch over me - and, because mama will only allow me if he was coming with us.

My dad came home from Saudi Arabia for vacation (12) and he brought me his late birthday gift. Now I have two laptops. One COMPAQ, (named Data) the other, ASUS (Eco). What a great father. When he opened the car door and handed me the box, I thought it was someone else's and didn't thank him in an instant. My mom had to tell me she'd have my first laptop fixed before I realize that the precious thing inside the box is mine. I didn't want to try my luck, so I still asked my brother in a hush sound if it were really mine. And hoorah! It is! The afternoon that day, we ate at Yakimix for the first time. All-you-can-eat buffet really isn't my thing, but I enjoyed nonetheless.

We celebrated our Year-End Thanksgiving (17) at church. We had to sing with the choir twice in one day (7AM & 2PM) that it felt so cleansing. One of the things I'm thankful of is that we got to have our dad join us in the worship service again. I wish he'd continue to attend. Another year will pass - and God once again, fulfilled his promise to take care of his flock. That's something we give thanks for. No words can ever express how blessed we feel - thanks is not even enough to praise Him.

The following night (18), we went to where my dad's friends live to have a wee bit of concert. We held it in the upper part of the building and it was so cool because they have this giant electric fan it felt like we were performing on a stage. Bringing the instruments from our place to theirs was quite troubling, but it was all worth it. It's a good thing my boyfriend was around to help. It felt amazing that we can jam with my father's friends - especially since I think they're one of the coolest daddies out here.

Last night, we joined my grandmother's Noche Buena. We don't really celebrate Christmas, but our mother's side of the family gets together every 24th since it's customary. We don't do it to commemorate the birth of Jesus (He wasn't born in December afterall, and we have a different way of showing our appreciation of the reason for his birth and death, even) but to spend quality time with our relatives. It wasn't quite fun as it were before, since most of our relatives are already abroad (Canada & Japan), but yesterday felt better than the recent celebrations we've had. Maybe because we were able to talk to one of our aunts through Skype, and we were also able to phone the other one, as well as my cousins. There were certain friends who weren't around last year but were present last night too, and that's a plus!

And that's all folks! Happy Holidays to each and everyone of you.


RECAP // Tuesday ~ December 6, 2011 @ 08:04 AM

Missing what you had is like having worn a ring for a long time. It feels like it's still there, but it isn't anymore. I don't know if this is part of growing older up or it's merely triggered by boredom, but I suddenly missed certain people and events which left prints in my life. I wanted to remember how each moment felt like, so I sought my archives to reminisce.

It appears I started blogging on March 23, 2004. I was using a different blog title back then - and my pitas username wasn't even yono, but lorrei. I only had a few blogmates. Most of which, are talented in web design. I used to have simple layouts which I didn't understand - I needed the help of Microsoft Office FrontPage to edit them. What's worse is that they were pre-made layouts. I learned from each of the different types I've downloaded though, so even if I still have a simple layout right now, the coding is neat and simplified.

My blog entries were like personal diary entries. I used to pour out my feelings, not knowing someone might find my website and consequently, make fun of me. I guess I wasn't scared because I had a pseudonym. The people in my entries weren't masked though. Gulp! Amateur. But I'm really thankful for that, because I need not decode who the heck I was talking about back then.

Looking back might help me in this quest to change myself for the better. I plan to finish my recollection and sort them properly for future referencing. It's fun reading my naiveté. Innocence truly is a bliss.


Oh! And shameless plugs. You should all pay a visit to Hoobert's site for he has awesome insights. Afef is one of my oldest blogmates and after all these years of blogging, she has never lost that enthusiasm of hers. If you want to read snippets of dark fantasy novels, you should hop on Rei's blog. I've also pulled someone back to blogging and she is one heck of a make-up person now - I present you: Ayns! And last but not the least, if you want to get your creative juices going, read Vin's poetry.


MERRIMENT // Friday ~ December 2, 2011 @ 11:59 PM

To everyone who read and commented on my last dramatic posts concerning my relationship status, I apologize for feeding you so much negativity. I reckon I post something jolly now, and also, to make it up to everybody, you can all go ahead and play Pac-Man on my sandbox. You can find it below the howler. Have fun now!

Oh oh! I am one of the winners of Beyond Eternal's anniversary contest. Hoorah! Free load from Globe~ I haven't received the prize yet because I sent in my number a bit too late, but I'm pretty sure I'll have it soon. Thank you so much again, Euri!

I bought two dresses (one red, one beige) for the upcoming Year-End Thanksgiving which we celebrate in our religion. I also bought new black shoes. I wanted to get the red pumps, but I can't really use them in the choir loft, so I had to let them go. I'll come back for them as soon as my budget lets me. And before I forget, I already bought the red headband I've been meaning to own ever since I saw it. Wardrobe updated!

The highlight for tonight is that I had a delicate talk with my boyfriend. It was really a good one for it made me want to be better. Not only in the area of being his partner, but most especially, metamorphosing into my better self. He reprimanded me, which led to me, suddenly recalling certain philosophies I used to apply in my life: He told me all of the things I should change - and I agreed with him. I won't be revealing what those things are, but I'm pretty sure you guys already have an idea. I know it won't be easy, but if I will it, I'm sure I can. How about you, what do you want to change for the better? 2012 is fast approaching! It's the perfect time for change.


CLEANSED // Wednesday ~ November 30, 2011 @ 09:53 AM

I like cleaning. May it be my room or some part of the house, taking a bath or giving a bath to someone (dogs, most likely) and/or washing the dishes, etc. I love water.

So every end of the month, I clean my room. I surprise myself whenever I see things I have nearly forgotten in different corners of my room. I also get to fix things that needed fixing. It feels so great once you're done because you can wash away all the sweat and dirt off your body with a shower. Squeaky clean!

All these memories of me and my ex linger in my room. Our pictures, receipts of certain restaurants or malls we've been to and certain presents he'd given me, are still in my "memory box". I couldn't just throw these away like what I did to him. I couldn't even delete his last text messages even if they're full of blames on me for the break-up. And so I thought, maybe I should clean this mess up.

And I did.

Now I'm in this relationship... again.

Crazy, stupid, love, ee?


BROKEN // Wednesday ~ November 23, 2011 @ 09:14 AM

Change is a funny thing. We're never quite sure of what we're becoming or why. Then one day, we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got here. I had to. I recently lost someone important.

If you check my facebook, you'd notice a significant change on my wall. Yes. My relationship status has shifted back to single. This isn't a rare occurrence since it has happened before, but this time, it's darn serious for real. I guess my boyfriend, er... ex, finally got sick and tired of all the lies I had up my sleeve.

Ever since February 2011, our relationship has gone from sweet nothings to chaotic mishaps. He traces it to the arrival of my internet best friend, who is of my opposite gender. He sensed the closeness between us and got jealous of it. I can't blame him though. I understand what he's envious of. After all, we've been friends since our early teens, and I can say I am more emotionally attached to my best friend than him.

Anyway, things got out of hand as my best friend and I planned to do things that would make us seem like we're the ones in a relationship. Since 2006, we've been planning stuff to do together when we finally meet each other. Japan is pretty different from the Philippines in terms of culture and I just had to help him adjust.

His family sent him here to finally graduate from a university. He's all alone and I'm all that he's got. At least, that's how he made me feel. This is what they can't understand.

So, I lied to my boyfriend about certain things in fear that he'd get jealous and so - well, lol, we ended in this circle. And you know circles don't have end points, ne? He found out about my lies, e.g., that I wasn't home because I was with my best friend, that when he asked me to extract my friend out of my life, I didn't do so completely (we still exchanged SMS and calls for a bit). I couldn't. He's been there for me when my ex wasn't around. It got so confusing when my boyfriend (and even my mom) started pressing me to choose between him and my best friend... and then, I just snapped~!

I know how it feels like being replaced by the partner of your best friend. I've had a lot of close friends when I was younger, but when they started getting girlfriends, I got left behind. Their girlfriends made them choose, and I just had to leave to save their relationships. I can't cause the same pain on my best friend. He hasn't done anything. But my boyfriend didn't do anything as well. Oh this is so troubling!

I am so immature, I know. I am also a liar. I've become a bitch. My pride is on a whole new level now and I can't seem to lower it. At least, not yet. I really want to save this relationship - but I can't sacrifice all these years of friendship with my best friend... so, when I saw the hurt in my ex's eyes, I knew I had to let go of him. I've done so much already. He doesn't deserve this. I don't deserve someone like him. I'm such a mess. All of this is my fault. Life is indeed, quite unfair, don't you think? You can't have it all...


RECONNECT // Monday ~ November 21, 2011 @ 11:56 PM

Donguri korokoro ponpokopi~! I don't know what has gotten into me. I was blog hopping and I saw this girl who looked like someone I knew from FFN. I wondered if she was still writing fics, so I visited the site. Apparently, she quitted and decided to erase her identity as wizdomgoddess. I panicked, but that didn't stop me from trying to locate her. As I sought for the whereabouts of my onee-sama, I happened to stumble upon my own fan fiction. It was appalling to read the way I used to write... it was so formal. It was so un-me. Haha! I amazed myself!

As I read comments on my fics, I found that my former blogmate, Koko, enjoyed reading them. So I started looking for her too. I tried so hard that I found other familiar names in google (even logged in my old Y!M account to see if their IDs are still active) which I also ought to look for. And what do you know! They're actually the ones I've reconnected with. I'm happy they still know who I am.

I stayed up the whole night locating wizdomgoddess and Koko, but it just wasn't enough. I need more luck. Their existing accounts (blog, twitter, etc.) have not been updated but I left comments just in case a miracle occurs and they find them...

I'm never going to abandon blogging, ever. I don't want to risk losing friends again. Let's all stay connected, ne?


RECUPERATING // Friday ~ November 18, 2011 @ 09:45 PM

Well, I can't say my otakuness has been fully-revived. I have yet to watch a ton of anime. My brother downloaded a bunch like Meitantei Conan, Hunter × Hunter and One Piece but our schedule never really jived for us to watch episodes together. Oh phooey. Besides, I want to watch other titles. Not really new ones, but more of recently-finished anime. That way all episodes would be available for download.

I've read a few chapters of Mirai Nikki and I found it intriguing so I might download its adaptation. There's also Guilty Crown which I accidentally found while I was fishing for a Google Chrome theme. Maa maa, I'll get to downloading once I have seeded my previous downloads.

As for my gaming, I'll try to finish Fatal Frame IV as soon as my wife, Renee, in Harvest Moon: Animal Parade gives birth to my son. Tee~hee.

Oh by the way, I was able to track my previous blogmates, and I found new ones too. I just hope they'd get back to me soon. I envy their beautiful layouts and interesting entries. GAH! Oh and a special plug to Euri. She's holding this contest as a celebration of her site's 8th anniversary. Bravo! Good owner, huh? If you want to win 100PHP GLOBE load, go ahead and check this post.


OFF HIATUS // Thursday ~ November 17, 2011 @ 07:49 PM

How many times will I have to go on a hiatus before I realize that I can't be parted from blogging? I've been writing since I could remember. I shouldn't let that part of me die. I think the otaku inside me faded, though. I mean, look at the sidebar! I don't even have anything to put in the current watch list. I used to have four games up in the current play list, but now it's down to one. I'm ashamed of myself.

Anyway, it made me happy that I could still do some web designing. I thought I've lost it to love. Ugh. I want a break from it from time to time - but I know I wouldn't really last without it. LOL. Yes, I come back to the blogging world with a boyfriend. What a change, huh?

So what brought me back? This girl did. I got envious of her new blog, so I had to revive this one. Haha~ thank you so much for bringing me back here. Now on to finding blogmates! Hnn... I have to find a hefty comment tool too. Oh by the way, this layout is best-viewed in Chrome & Firefox.